


tom nook, single father

by Touch_of_Ethanol



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Crack, I dont, M/M, Sugar Daddy Kenma, bad grammar is ✨flavor✨, based off a tiktok, get off the mother fucking counter tobio, goddamn i wanna sit on a counter, he be likkkkk, im supposed to be in class right now, no beta because this is crack, tom nook is daddy, tom nook single father, why did i bring tom nook into this? who knows
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-16
Updated: 2020-09-16
Packaged: 2021-03-07 00:02:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 653
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26497597
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Touch_of_Ethanol/pseuds/Touch_of_Ethanol
Summary: Mattsun was dared to prank call hinata shouyou and it was the funniest thing to ever happen to him.please don’t take this seriously, ik the writing is bad but i wrote this during class and i had no idea what i was doing
Relationships: Implied Hinata Shouyou/ Kageyama Tobio
Comments: 7
Kudos: 64





	tom nook, single father

being dared to prank call someone was a completely normal dare in the game of truth or dare, especially at seijoh. It was practically tradition that someone had to do it.

And this time that someone was Matsukawa Issei. it’s not like this is nothing new for him, he’s been dared to do this many times in the past. And so he grabbed a random number off of oikawa, put it on speaker, tossed it in the middle of their circle, and waited to see if the other would pick up for not.

“hello, Hinata Shouyou speaking.” spoke a high pitched, borderline feminine voice. it was the one and only decoy from karasuno.

ooooooooh shit man, boy did that send everyone into a small fit of giggles. Hinata gave off the innocent dumbass vibe and they were quite sure they’d be able to get him to believe some bullshit.

“hello, hinata, i am the god of meat buns” choked matsukawa, hiding his smile and need to giggle behind his hands.

“woah! really??!”

“yup, 100%, now do you know there secret to getting more meat buns?”

much more shifting noice was heard from the other side of three phone then what was necessary. but who cares, he seemed like the fidgety type anyways.

“oh! is it puppy dog eyes???? cause i’ll have you know i have gotten a literal TV for free by using them!” rambled the tangerine man.

indecipherable murmuring was heard through the phone.

but holy shit dude,,, only kindaichi and oikawa has ever gotten close to getting something so nice for free, and even then that was just food and shit.

loud banging was heard across the phone, drawing the seijoh crowd to lean in closer to the phone, hoping to figure out what the hell was going on.

“hold on just a second, i’m sorry- i’m sorry, my boyfriend, my boyfriend is- ugh, STOP!!!” hinata yelled, sending seijoh into a fit of giggles, “GET OFF THE COUNTER!!!”

makki was holding off a cackle using his hand, oikawa was wheezing on the ground “i bet it’s fucking tobio-chan.”

“ TOBIO I DONT FUCKING CARE-“ 

“called it,” 

“-IF YOU CONSIDER STANDING MY GODDAMN CLEAN FUCKING COUNTER AS PAYBACK FOR KENMA CHANGING HIS NAME IN MY PHONE TO SUGAR DADDY! HES MORE OF A DADDY THEN YOULL EVER BE!”

this literally sent every single person in seijoh into the atmosphere.

“ i can’t pronounce keysmashs in real life but i’ll have you know i’m thinking them right now.” spoke oikawa, while draping himself over the couch he was perched on.

“YOU MAY BE TALLER THEN ME BUT THAT DOESNT STOP YOU FROM BEING A BITCH”

“NO YOU CANT PULL SOME FIFTY SHADES OF GREY SHIT ON ME YOU PUT UR NASTY ASS FEET ON MY CLEAN COUNTER”

“SHUT THE HELL UP I MAY LOOK LIKE A PUPPY WHEN IM YELLING BUT I CAN STILL BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF YOU

“OH MY GOD DO NOT BRING TOM NOOK INTO THIS HE IS A PROUD SINGLE FATHER AND I DONT THINK I CAM EVEN TALK TO YOU IF YOU DONT RESPECT HIM.”

”DEAR GOD TOBIO STOP TRYING TO EAT SPAGHETTI ON THE CEILING.” more yelling, presumably from kageyama is heard on the other line.

“I WILL SEDATE YOU FOR THE GREATER GOOD OF THE WORLD, GET OFF MY GODDAMN COUNTER- BUT THAT SHIT BACK!!”

a loud crash and banging ( ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ok i’m sorry) was heard.

nobody knew what was happening, nobody could make out what hinata was screaming at kageyama. makkis cackling was the loudest thing mattsun had ever heard. oikawa was rolling on the floor, kindaichi ran out of the room he was laughing so hard. kunimi could barely keep a blank face, kyoutani even cracked a smile. 

something that will haunt matsukawa in the days the come is that he will never know how tom nook, single father, was brought into this.

**Author's Note:**

> oofs, it be like that sometimes 
> 
> don’t take this seriously, i wasn’t trying to make the writing good
> 
> i just kinda wrote it and didn’t look back on it to make sure the grammar is good


End file.
